‘Can I become a walker mommy? Bus scares me!’

This day started as just another day. My alarm went off at 5.30 in the morning. I made myself a pot of tea and enjoyed it with a quick scroll at facebook updates on my phone, as every day. I made tiffin for my elder one, woke him up, got him ready, dropped him to bus stand. Assured he was safely seated I walked back home.

One job successfully done! Smiling at my younger one I thought, once you are off to school I have three hours to get back on my beauty sleep that I had now been missing for days due to work pressure.

Least did I know there were horrific events waiting to unfold.

My phone rang. It was none other than my sister. We talk everyday once in the morning so it seemed normal till she spilled the words ‘have u had a chance to read the newspaper today?’ ‘No’, I replied sheepishly. ‘What’s the news that I am missing on?’ I asked.

A 4 year old girl has been molested in a private school bus. For a micro second I felt I skipped a heartbeat.

I hanged the phone and read the article. It sent chills down my nerves. My daughter travels by bus was my first concern. But alarming was that the school that came to lime light because of the incident was none other than my daughter’s school.

I panicked. I did not know how to react. I was fuming from within, but did not know where to direct my anger.

My watsapp started flooding with the images of newspaper article and comments by furious parents. A debate was on as to what action should be taken against the school authorities. After all, the incident proved that our children were no more in safe hands now.

My mind kept wandering to that little girl who was molested. I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for all the little girls and boys who are subjected to child abuse every now n then. I felt sorry for their helplessness and their suffering, because we are raising them in a society which is not capable enough to hold back its lust for skin.

Today the society needs more healers and empaths than we need doctors, engineers or successful leaders.

We need change. We all desire some or the other change in the system. The point is how many of us think of such episodes as a wakeup call and try doing something about it? 80% out of us don’t bother. 10% who do bother are afraid to raise their voice only to save their loved ones from being a victim to such incidents. Yet another 5% dare, speak up and sit down considering the direction of the wind.

With the remaining 5% who actually try and be the change they desire, we need nothing less than a miracle.

Growing incidents, like such, because of school’s negligence has once again raised a question on the authenticity of private schools information shared with parents on the security norms.

This day will pass. The incident will soon become news. People will debate, ponder over, and then sooner than we realize it will become a matter of past.

How I wish every child could be nurtured in a safe and protected environment; so that they grow up with fond memories to travel back their memory lane.

How I wish our government had passed strict laws and punishment for heinous crimes like these, the cases of child abuse would not have been on rise.

Rather all I can wish is that may the pain and scars of this occurrence heal and disappear with time from the mind of the innocent girl who had to go through an ordeal of sexual abuse because of people who did not care enough to provide her with the right to security.

It’s a shame on the school authorities and management who risk the life of innocent children by not keeping a regular check on the safety and security measures. Though norms have been framed by CBSE for the same and authorized by the government, to be followed.

It was a true incident that took place in a moving bus of a private school last week. It came to highlight after being published in the leading newspapers.

Spread a word and stand up for the safety rights of your child.

Every child is precious and their security should be our prime concern.

Stay Alert! Stay Safe!

  

Awaken to the Real World of Our Children and School Transport Security

Past few months have been a period of ongoing unrest for me. Rather I would say for most of the parents whose children avail school transport services. On news channels, in newspapers, one can find n number of cases where negligence of school authorities led to the death of innocent children.

My son has just turned 7. He was happy that now he gets the opportunity to be a bus traveller like his cousin (who is 9 and had been telling my little one the tales about time he spends in school bus with his friends). I too sighed a relief knowing there were no pick n drop issues. I could have my morning tea with peace, read the newspaper without being disturbed and happily drop my kid to the bus stop outside our society gates; the very fact that he was in safe hands relaxed me a bit further.

My happiness was short lived or rather, say just about a week. Least did I know my fairy tale days were about to end in a deep regret. My son was endless with complaints, a regular being the ac of the bus was never working; and the other being 10 minutes late arrival of the bus in the afternoon. I dreaded the mornings when I had to drop my son to the bus stop. He would cry hysterically almost every day and beg me to consider making him a walker again. I started counselling him on the issue. And the facts that I learnt were quite disturbing.  The driver drives rashly in the afternoons as the bus usually leaves the school premises 10 to 15 minutes late than its usual time; the driver of his bus once banged the bus (later I got to know that his licence was ceased by the parents where the incident happened and he was beaten up badly). More to my astonishment the lady guard misbehaved with me and abused me for asking why the bus was 40 minutes late than its arrival time and why were we not informed for the same (though she was replaced the next day after my complaint, yet there were other issues that needed attention). There were 5 teachers in the bus who acted as mere dummies to the whole drama and did not even have the courtesy to apologize to a panicked parent.

That was the day I thought to myself, if these are the kind of teachers who themselves cannot stand for a cause, what knowledge and self belief are they going to impart to my son and other children who witnessed the incident in the bus. I felt sorry for my son that I had chosen a school with a brand than the one with values.

Life went by making my mornings miserable until summer break started. Things were better as there was no crying for school bus. Then one day before the school was to reopen I got a call from the conductor of my son’s school bus. He fed me with the information about the change in route and the new bus driver’s number; but had no clue of the bus number or the route. I was taken aback! Why was the call not made by the transport in charge or the class teacher herself? Why was only half information passed on?

Later that day what happened left me thinking, is my child really in safe hands? Standing at the bus stop with no trace of bus till 3.40 pm, I panicked and feared almost the worst. There was no information of bus delay from school. The bus that came for pick up that day was not even his regular yellow colour school bus. It was a traveller bus. No one was ready to take our calls, not even the school authorities. All I knew was the bus broke down in the middle of nowhere. I never felt helpless and clueless in my whole life as I felt today.

That’s it! I decided to take things head on. I was tired of complaining about the flaws in school transport system. I wanted strict measures to ensure the safety of my child. I wanted a change! Talking to other parents and friends (kids going to different schools) on the same issue made me feel how laid back our attitude is when it comes to our child’s safety in school bus! Why? What do we fear? And what followed next sent chills down my veins. ‘We don’t want problems for our children in the school. What if we complain against the driver or the guards and they try to harm our kids? What if their school grades suddenly start to drop just because we had some issues with school security measures and we complained?’, came the reply from most of the parents who pitied their situation by making themselves feel powerless and helpless.

Really! I could not buy in the points. It began a new chapter in my life. This gave me a cause to fight for or at least raise my voice and be heard. It was not the question of just my child now. It was for the whole lot of innocent children who travel in school buses thinking they were safe. Were they!

As always google came to my rescue. I began my search to know if there were any transport safety norms that schools should adhere to. I stumbled on one news after the other about how a school’s negligence took an innocent life and left behind grieving parents.

I promised myself I will not hold my anger till a tragedy comes knocking my door. So I decided if I want a change, I will be that change. After a thorough research of 3 days, my laptop is full of articles and regulations on how Supreme Court has strict regulations for schools to follow for providing transport. Even CBSE board also has some transport safety norms that a school has to abide to before the affiliation.

Guessing that, like me, most of you parents out there are unaware of the transport safety regulations laid by both Supreme Court and CBSE board. So for your awareness and knowledge I will pass on as much as I feel as a parent is our right to know. (copied and pasted directly from the website: http://cbseaff.nic.in/cbse_aff/Circulars/cir_school_trans_2012.pdf)

CENTRAL BOARD OF SECONDARY EDUCATION (An Autonomous Organization under the Union Ministry of Human Resource Development Govt. of India) “SHIKSHA KENDRA”, 2, COMMUNITY CENTRE, PREET VIHAR, DELHI – 110 301 CBSE/AFF/Circular /2012 8th June, 2012 Circular No.01/2012 All the Principals of Schools affiliated with the CBSE ANNEXURE IX Transport precautions to be observed by Schools A. Exterior of the Bus • All the school buses must be painted with uniform colour preferabbly Yellow with the name of the school written prominently on both sides of the bus so that these can be identified easily. • The word “School Bus” must be written on the back and front of the bus. If it is hired bus, “On School Duty” should be clearly indicated. • Telephone number of the school and/or telephone number of any contact person shall also have to be written prominently in a prominent place in each school bus so that in case of necessity the public can inform the school authority/police or other authorities. B. Fixture and furniture of the Bus • The windows of Bus should be fitted with horizontal grills and with mesh wire. • The doors of the Bus should be fitted with reliable locks that can be locked. • All school buses must be fitted with speed control devices so that they do not exceed the speed limit of 40 Kmph. • There should be a fire extinguisher in the Bus C. Manpower in the Bus • There must be a qualified attendant in the Bus to attend to Children. • Each school should designate one Transport Manager/ Coordinator who will ensure the safety of the school children. • The provision shall also to be made by the school authorities for travelling of at least one teacher in each school bus, keeping in view the safety of the school students all through out the journey and no outsider except the conductor or the said authorized teacher or one person authorized by the guardians shall be allowed to board school bus. • Medical check up regarding the physical fitness of the driver including the eye testing shall be made every year. D. Facilities in the Bus • Bus should have a First Aid Box. • To keep the school bags safely, there should be a space fitted under the seatsor as convenient. • The buses should be fitted with alarm bell/siren so that in case of emergency every one can be alerted. E. Permits • The driver should have valid licence and at least 5 years of experience of driving heavy vehicles. • A driver who has been challaned more than twice in a year for offences like red light jumping, violation of lane discipline or allowing unauthorized person to drive cannot be employed. • A driver who has been challaned even once for the offence of over speeding, driving dangerously or for the offences under Section 279,337,338 and 304A of the Indian Penal Code cannot be employed. • Every vehicle shall carry a suitable photograph of the authorized driver duly certified by the RTA. • Periodical fitness certificate regarding road worthiness of the vehicle shall have to be obtained. • Any school authority and/or driver found to have violated the provision of the Motor Vehicles Act, 1988 and the rules framed thereunder as well as of the directions must be penalized. F.Arrangements in the Schools • All the affiliated schools will make safe arrangement for boarding and deboarding of school children from the school bus. • The school authority shall ensure that the doors of the buses remain shut while in running condition. • They will ensure that buses halt only at bus stops designated for the purpose and within the marked area. • Refresher course of driver training so as to fine tune and increase the proficiency of the driver shall be given to the drivers of the school buses periodically, i.e. least twice in a year. • No person shall be allowed to drive the school bus in drunken condition. Regular check in the respect shall be undertaken by the school authorities and in case of any doubt in that regard such drivers must be subjected to medical test immediately and proper action including the action for cancellation of the license have to be taken. • All drivers of the school buses have to be dressed in a distinctive uniform with their names inscribed in it. • In every school bus there shall be another qualified person to keep attending children travelling in such buses, as conductor, who have to be dressed in distinctive uniform with their names inscribed in it. • The school authority must provide one set of mobile phone in each school bus so that in case of emergency the bus can be contacted or the driver/conductor can contact the police or State authority as well as the school authority. • The authority shall ensure that the school buses are not permitted to over take any other four wheelers while carrying the school children in the bus. • The School authority shall ensure that the students maintain discipline when boarding and disembarking the bus so that no children get hurt. • Effort shall be made by the school to make necessary arrangement for parking the school bus inside the school campus at least at the time of boarding and disembarking. In case it is not possible to park such vehicle inside the school campus, the buses must be parked in such a way so that it does not create any traffic problem for other vehicles. • The school should encourage its children to conduct programmes through play, exhibition etc. during Road Safety Week to create an awareness in public. • Periodic feed-back from students using school Transport facility with regards to driver/conductor be taken and records are to be maintained. *****************************

According to my research and knowledge, these norms were passed in the year 2012. Biggest failure was the implementation of the same.

Every year there were new additions in the regulations. Many private schools did not pay any heed to execute the regulations stated and no strict actions by the government against those schools, made it easier for school authorities to slip away with unfortunate incidents that happened due to transport security flaws.

This year (2016) has already been a witness to many unfortunate incidents of student’s death due to school negligence. Considering which the Haryana Government has formulated “Surakshit School Vahan Policy” to ensure safer transportation of school going children in the state. This policy was framed and discussed to be implemented from April.

Under the scheme, it was agreed that the district level committees and the sub-division level committees would ensure that the buses carrying school children complied with the mandatory requirements as per provisions of the Motor Vehicles Act, 1988 and rules framed thereunder, and also adhere to the directions issued by various courts
regarding safer transportation of school going children.

Direction of the Supreme Court of India for School Bus under ‘Surakshit School Vahan Policy’

(information taken from the website: http://www.shadow.net.in/policy.html)

• "School Bus" must be written on the back and front of the Bus.

• If it is a hired bus, "On School Duty" should be clearly indicated

• Bus must have a First-Aid-Box.

• The windows of Bus must be fitted with horizontal grills.

• There must be a Fire Extinguisher in the Bus.

• School Name and Telephone No. must be written on the Bus.

• The doors of the Bus should be fitted with reliable locks.

• To keep School Bags safely, there should be a space fitted under the seats.

• There must be an Attendant from the School in the Bus. School cabs should be fit with speed governors with maximum speed limit of 40 kmph.

• The body of school cab shall be highway yellow colour with a horizontal strip in green colour of 150mm width in the middle all around the vehicle and the words ‘SCHOOL CAB’ must be prominently displayed on all four sides of the vehicle.

• If age of school children is below 12 years, the number of children carried shall not exceed 1½ times the permitted seating capacity. Children above 12 years shall be treated as one person.

• The driver of a school cab must have valid licence to drive LMV-Transport Vehicles for a period of at least four years and compulsorily wear a light blue shirt, light blue trousers and black shoes. His name ID be displayed on the shirt.

• There must be enough space provided to keep school bags inside the vehicle and the bags should not be hung outside the vehicle or placed on roof carriers.

• The bus driver must carry a complete list of the children being ferried in the school cab, indicating the name, class, residential address, blood group and the points of stoppage, route plan, etc.

• In case of kindergarten, if an authorized person recognised mutually by the school and parents, does not come to pick the child from the halting points and such, the child shall be taken back to the school and their parents should be called.

Latest Additions                 

Because of the incidents happening around there have been rules made on school bus management by the concerned authorities in India to assure safety and secure ride for the students and relief for parents.

·         GPS and CCTV have been made compulsory in school buses. Installation of CCTV in school premises are made compulsory. GPS has been declared compulsory by Central Board of Secondary Education.

·         School bus drivers are restricted to have interaction with students beyond a limit in school bus and socializing with students is also limited.

·         Entering school grounds are restricted to authorized people. Any person suspicious entering the school premises will be reported without fail.

·         ID cards are issued to parents, which must be bought while picking up their children. If they cannot come for picking up their children, an SMS must be send authorizing another person to pick them up.

Under section 188 Act of the Indian Penal Code, any failure on the school’s behalf to obey these new rules and regulations can lead to punishment.

More and more rules are coming in to light for the better travel experience of students.

Standard Requirements for School Buses in India

·         All school buses in India are mandated to have an external colour of Golden Yellow. This colour shall be as per IS 5 -1994 (as amended from time to time)

·         For Identification, a band of 150mm wide of ‘Golden Brown ‘colour might be provided on all sides of the bus below the window level

·         Two emergency exits are mandatory on all school buses in India. One on the rear half of the bus on the right hand side and on the rear side of the bus. Children should be trained to operate these doors.

·         Whenever the bus passenger door or one of the emergency exits is open, the bus should be incapable of motion. The driver should get an indication of the doors being open by means of flashing light/buzzer or other suitable means.

·         The lowest footstep height shall not be more than 220mm from ground. The bus should be incapable of motion without folding or retracting the steps

·         All seats other than the ones facing the passenger step well should be forward facing.  Also, a partition should be provided to the seat facing the step well.

·         Stopping signals, a hazard warning and a stop signal arm should operate whenever the passenger door opens.

·         A tamper-proof speed governor that complies with the requirements of Rule 118 of CMV (A)R 1989 should be provided to ensure the driver doesn’t cross the speed limit.

Any parent/guardian or a teacher may also travel to ensure these safety norms.

Gathering the information was easier. Thanks to my love for computers and my interest in google to raise my awareness on the same; and now yours to an extent. But this is just the beginning. Break through would come when more and more parents will become aware of their right to demand safety for their children in school and the school transport system; when more and more parents would be willing to listen to their children, acknowledge their problems and notify the school administration of any offence or negligence from the driver. 

Time and again I have heard the quote or read it somewhere, sometime ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’. I have tried my best to be that change by raising my voice on the most sensitive issue ‘our children and their security in schools’. The least you can do to see things change for good is to share this article, raise awareness among other parents, become the voice of your child if and when a situation arise.

Don’t wait for the tragedy to come knocking your door. Don’t wait for the candle march’s to get justice for your children.

Wake up now! Be the Change to See the World Change!

Happy awakening!

A Mother is born only after the Child is born….Before that she herself is a child!

It’s 5.30 in the morning. I am awake, as if to a new fresh start. Sitting on the couch in my balcony enjoying my morning tea.

No rush to send kids to school, no lunch boxes to pack, and no laundries left to be done for the day. Summer vacations started as a big relief! Feels like I am on holidays, at least in the supposedly busy hours of the day.

My kids are deep in sleep, probably dreaming of how to insist mom to get that new toy on their wish list..;-)..

This is one of the Golden moments no mother gets to live every day.

My mind was blank. Suddenly I found myself smiling on the very thought of travelling into a time machine to revisit my childhood..:-)..Secretly wishing my husband was a scientist!

I started digging through my memory box as the time machine had gone for repair..;-).. I could see the little girl ‘I’ once was - shy, scared and always nervous. I had friends, but only handful. It was enough for me. I remember playing all day. I was stubborn, edgy, hated control freaks. Being the eldest in the family and the first girl child, I was devotedly pampered.

The memory flashes were so fresh as if I was present in the past. I was reliving my own stupendous, naughty and playful experiences.

From playing cricket in the streets to cycling in the rain, from making ravan on dushera to playing sinful holi, from morning walks with friends to getting proposals from the hot boys on the block. Bit by bit, inch by inch, I remembered it all.

Sipping my tea, I thought to myself, I have lost that little girl somewhere on the journey of life. I was born to live and yet I had forgotten how to live. I was born to dream and make them come true. Yet I had forgotten to sleep. I had forgotten to envision what I believed in.

I was not the same little girl. I had changed the day I was reborn, when I became a mother for the very first time. Now, it was the baby first. His needs, his cries, him, him, it was all about him. I was new to the concept of motherhood. The new arrival wasn’t planned but was welcomed with open arms. I learnt the life hacks of new birth of me. It seemed both interesting and tiring at the same time. There was happiness overflowing in the family. Everyone rejoiced.

I came out of the memory lane with the shouting and screaming of kids playing in the park.

I realized how fast age had taken over me! I may have passed as a new mum today. I may have made the best of my rebirth as a mother today. But somewhere deep down I know, I have betrayed the little girl, the little child, who still stays in me. Longing for me to hear her cries and waiting to be free.

I have a long way to go. I have promises to keep.

Lucky as most of us are, not all women are. Some of them are never born again. For either their baby is killed in the womb or she dies giving birth to a baby or becomes the target of domestic violence leaving no room for becoming a mother in her life. Reasons could be many. And such stories are found everywhere, every day.  But the need is to understand that a girl is also a child. She needs to be nurtured with love, care and understood so that she has the strength to face all tests of time.

Needless to say, only a mother can feel the death so close and be rejoiced to be born again. 

Only a mother can bear the pain to give birth to a new life!

Salute to all the mothers for the transformation they go through from being someone’s adorable child to becoming a mommy to love their own child!

Happy Mothering!!

My Liberation came from the Silent Retreat

It took me a while to realize that everything can be said in A Silence!

‘Words’ I had always felt were the gateway to communicate. Not just our feelings of love but also our agony, our disappointments, our failures.

Mistaken as always I found myself in situations incurable!

Tracing the words back to the days of my rearing, now I could relate. There were screams and shouts; fights and arguments. Kind words were not heard often in the house and were a delight to hear on occasions. I was a child yet wanted to run away in a far away fairy land. Thanks to the wandering mind that discovered day dreaming..:-)..As it always came as the biggest respite.

Time and again I felt I lived in a mad house. Not a perfect family, I used to think to myself. But the very fact that I have a family, glued me to them. However broken it seemed at the brink. We still lived together. At times, laughed together. There were days when I hated them all!

Yet they were the ones I felt secured with. They were the only ones I wanted to feel one with. I tried too hard. But I could never fit in. I was always the odd one in the family who stood out.

Something definitely seemed wrong with me! Probably, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Was the destiny fooling around with me? Or I was really born dumb. Dumb enough to understand the rules of life.

Happy, sad, laughing, fighting, caring, arguing we made it to our teens and eventually adulthood. The 2 most beautiful people in the family had also started aging gracefully.

I was thrilled for us to have made it till here..Together! Almost like an achievement considering the number of broken families in the time we live by.

Forlornly, nothing much had changed. For change comes from with-in and from acceptance that something’s not working and needs to be transformed.

No one in the house believed that some opinions or attitude that we carried over the years were deformed and needed immediate attention wef Now. Life moved on. People in the house moved on. I stayed where I was. In a shell of assumptions, dreading to come out. For view from there was far better than getting close to living with it. No one noticed. As if I had ceased to exist.

I was swimming in the ocean of my past as still could not find my way up to the rescue boat. Mistakes were made. It could not be undone in all space and time; because I had been a part of that undesired and undeserved journey. I now grew desperate to reach my soul with the help intended.

With the aim of change enlightenment came along. I read somewhere that only forgiveness can heal the ailing soul. My past would rest in peace and my today will start a fresh. Only if I knew how to forgive someone when they do not seek your forgiveness.

Wired with attachment I decided to cut myself off the entire drama of life. I closed the doors to the world I so much wanted to be a part of; and remained unwanted throughout and now even felt unwelcomed to.

My soul stepped back in silence. So be it!

Days went by. Forgiving myself; forgiving the ones who did not ask for my forgiveness, forgiving everyone from the past.

And came the day, I felt at peace. It was my first hand experience with peace..:-)..I learned to respond than to react. I was grounded enough to find my roots.

Astounding as it may sound but I was not worried. I was not anxious. I was not intervening with anyone’s life.

I was as free as I was detached.

I was ready to live. I was ready to love.

I was ready to move on; leaving behind, without a guilt, what does not belong to me or where I do not belong.

I found myself only when I found the courage to let go!

The ‘Monk’ he never wanted to be!

Chasing the sadness in his eyes, we followed him as he directed. He welcomed us with a cup of warm herbal tea. We chatted for a while before he showed us through different rooms of the monastery.

More than I heard the guided tour, I heard his silence. He was polite in his manners. So poised and composed, that normally anyone could miss out on the emptiness he carried with in.

Draped in a mono-color costume there were many monks roaming the premises. One could see a variety of boys and men, ranging from age as young as three years to as old as sixty years, staying under one roof. The attire was not clean, as if one set of clothes was used over and over, for days at a stretch. Some of the monks, the young ones especially, were wearing torn clothes.

I wondered...what kind of parents have a heart so stoned to send their little ones away from their nest, to grow in an unfamiliar environment among strangers.

A glimpse of their face was enough to tell their stories of sadness and loneliness. Many of them did seem homesick. They were allowed to visit their families only once or twice a year. They had no access to the world outside except for a few visitors like us. In winters even this interaction became impossible as the monastery and the roads to reach there gets covered in deep snow.

Unlike the life a few of them must have desired, they lived a life so disciplined that it not only took colors out of their life but also seemed to lock them in a no-smile zone. I hardly remember seeing the older ones smiling. For a fact, they understood the seriousness of the life they entered as a child's play in tender years.

Now sitting in my car, on our way to the next stop of our journey, his words kept playing in loop in my head; when he said, 'My parents sent me here when I was quite young. I had no choice'. He definitely missed his family I thought to myself. But would he still feel the same love for them that he felt years before! I doubt! For now he realizes the depth of betrayal from his own blood. Denying him the chance to choose his own destiny was too much for him to handle at the moment.

To me, as a parent, the whole incident dawned as an eye-opener. Since the day the baby is born, we become the remote control of her life. We get addicted to drive her crazy by deciding everything for her. Beginning from what to wear to what to eat to what subjects she should study in high school to even choosing her friends. We become so obsessed by living our dreams through our children that we forget they are individuals on their own journey. They seek our guidance not decisions!

It is hard to say how much time it will take for us, as parents, to unlearn the controlling patterns we have embedded deep in our flesh.

Meanwhile, I can bet that the monk we met today, had built some dream castles. Quite aware that his dreams may never be able to see the face of reality. He lived in a hope of tomorrow that may never come!

Out of the hundreds of monks who inhabited the monastery, meeting this one in particular, was truly fate.

Without saying much he taught me one of the greatest lessons of life - 'We cease to exist the day we stop dreaming!' How else could he stay so calm in a place he had never wanted to be in!

Happy Dreaming!

Menstruation: An Untouchable Reality

What is Menstruation?

Don’t think I am crazy! It’s a simple question. But I guess answering it has never been that easy.

I knew it!

Growing up in a society that considered (in many parts of the world, still thinks) women as impure and dirty during those four crucial days of every month, was harder than I had imagined.

In simple medical terms, ‘Menstruation is a natural part of the reproductive cycle in which blood from the uterus exits through the vagina’.

Living in 21^st century and believing the spiritual teachings, spreading these days like fire, I supposed it was okay to be not ashamed of your body; whichever part one may be referring to. After all, as per many religious and spiritual leaders our body is a sacred temple.

My myth was broken soon after I entered puberty. Restrictions followed me like a ghost every month for the four untouchable days. Staying aloof, no entry in the kitchen area, not touching the idols, even worse, not being able to be a part of any family worship rituals; soon became a routine. As if I get cursed every month for a specific number of days and suddenly I am purified later. No reasoning..No explanations! I rebelled to the heights of orthodox thinking...but to no use! My words fell on deaf ears who had stuffed them with the cotton of blindly followed religious values.

I guess that’s the routine of 99% of girls and women around the globe.

Generations after generations; era after era; rituals were passed on as legacy. Blindfolded people followed them and the end product was the birth of superstitions.

If I may ask, how many of us questioned our mothers about the norms that we followed during our periods?

Including me, none I guess! We were either shy to ask or feared the outcome. But it never ceased my curiosity as to why talking about it was considered a taboo.

Now nearly 40, I started to research on the topic; much out of curiosity and a little out of frustration. Living life on my terms has simplified my monthly torture…:-)... Also, I have a daughter, and kids grow at a much faster rate than our imagination. I don’t want her to suffer because of some irrational belief system that our great grand mothers have been passing on. I would like to pass on correct and logical information to her on the subject.

Most of the knowledge came through Time travelling..:-).. Virtually! Putting internet to good use!

Apart from a few embarrassing rituals I had been through during puberty, I found a list of ongoing practices in different cultures. To name a few,

Not attending religious functions, visiting the temple and not touching menstruating women; Avoiding cooking and eating with others during menstruation; Avoiding sex during menstruation; Avoid swimming or washing the hair during menstruation; Avoid eating certain types of food during menstruation; Believing that menstrual blood is impure; Taking time off during menstruation; Restricting menstruating women to seclusion huts.

After probing further into the reasoning of these practices I found some logical explanations. After all, our ancestors were not fools like us to believe anything because someone had told them so. Everything is energy and vibrations. And the older scriptures decoded so far have proved that most of the knowledge they gathered was scientifically based. Glad to know that this planet was also inhabited by some no nonsense people.

So here we go...

Ayurveda is a science of life and a natural healing system with a deep understanding of human body; it dates back to be as old as 7000 years. It is based on the principles of three primary life forces in the body, called the three doshas. Doshas are the bio-energies that make up every individual, and help in performing different physiological functions in the body. The three types of Doshas are Vata, Pitta and Kapha, which correspond to the elements of air, fire and water respectively. Each dosha has a primary function in the body. Vata (element-air) is the moving force responsible for communication, perception and cognition; Pitta (element-fire) is the force of assimilation and is responsible for metabolism; and Kapha (element-water) is the force of stability.

According to Ayurveda, menstruation is closely linked to the functions of the doshas. Menstruation is regarded in Ayurveda as a special opportunity enjoyed by women for monthly cleansing of excess doshas; it is this monthly cleansing that accounts for female longetivity as the blood gets purified each month adjusting for any imbalances.

There are precise reasons for every act or practice that women go through during periods. They were secluded so that men could respect their need for space during the times their body was going through hormonal and emotional energy up rise. That was the time the women needed to go within to balance their energies rather than spend time doing outer chores. Menstruation blood is supposed to be very powerful. In some traditions the need to not let a menstruating woman enter the temple or touch the idols was that they were so pure during those days that they were seen as a walking Goddess. It was believed that the energy of the murthi or the idol goddess will move over to her (menstruating woman) while the murthi becomes lifeless.

Food intake during periods has also been a topic of constant argument.

Diet is important during these days. Emphasis should be on taking more yin (feminine) foods, and fewer yang items. So, more rice, less wheat, more yogurt/buttermilk, less milk, more melons and broccoli. Preferably light and warm meals should be eaten during periods. Ancient practices came from an understanding of the influence of food on menstruating women and were created with the intention of helping relieve menstrual discomfort through the right diet.

Knowing, it is a subject in itself, I have touched only the essential parts of the topic in this article; the ones that I personally felt girls and women in today’s time have to deal with every month. But as much you dig further in the history of the topic, one will find some logical reasoning to why the practices came into existence.

Sadly, these practices began to be followed blindly. And in no time it deteriorated women’s condition across all cultures and traditions.

Many girls and women are still subjected to daily life restrictions; are excluded from many socio-cultural life events as they are considered impure. Such taboo on women’s life not only affects their emotional state but also disturbs their mental and physical health.

Whenever I look around and see people still following such practices, I fail to understand the fact, how can one live all their life imprisoned in the chains of superstitions.

With so much awareness on the subject, there is still a need to literate the women of the house to put an end to other girls and women suffering. The male members of the family should also be taught to respect the space of menstruating women and not look down upon them to make them feel ashamed or embarrassed of a biological occurrence in their body.

Last but not the least, it should be a personal choice of the menstruating woman to follow any such practices and not an imposed restriction.

Happy Awakening!